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whatrorenis:

Developing a “tough skin” isn’t the answer. Jesus didn’t have a “tough skin”. He had a strong heart, the strongest heart. 

I can’t accept that all of the things that were to hurt Jesus’ heart just simply deflected off of Him. Spiritual pain….it’s such a deep, empty, yet so full kind of a pain. Be it loneliness, disappointment, or what have you… it really hurts

But in all things, He humbled Himself and served because He LOVED. And He had a strong heart, the strongest heart, as to incessantly and unrelentingly LOVE those He was called to love. 

I really felt like for the longest time, either I had to be a pile of mush or a rough skinned shark. I had no choice. But now, I’m starting to see that the training of our spirit really is a training of the now-flesh heart. Through the tears (x2) and breaks of exercising my salvation, comes healing, and then finally, comes strength.

A strong heart doesn’t allow you to simply be pulped into a bigger, sloppier mess by the pains; a strong heart doesn’t allow you to simply “not care” about the pain, as “tough skinned” people would do - no. A strong heart allows you to feel what is meant to be felt from the pain in a heart of flesh, but is trained to persevere so that we may LOVE as He loved.

Truth

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9.2.14 - Thoughts

Man… you can really tell a lot about others by the way they enter/exit a room. The way they turn the door knob open, the way they shut the door closed. The heaviness of their footsteps, the speed of their pace. Whether they’re filled with anger or gentleness… There’s so much to observe from just that alone.

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8.23.14 - Thoughts

1. So, this is it. One more day until I’m back in Michigan.

2. Please pray for my stummy. This whole week I’ve been having stomach problems but am not sure what the cause is…

3. Can I give thanks in all situations?

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8.21.14 - Lesson learned… kind of.

Trying to save something good for later // or putting tasks off for another time… usually only ends badly.

1. Multiple times where I tried saving food or drinks to savor later, and it ended up spilling over or going bad

2. Putting off buying an Owen parking pass, only to find out that they sold their last spot two nights ago

3. Putting off buying a new pair of glasses, and just missing the ‘first pair free’ promotion on Coastal

Sigh… I wish I could say that this kind of situation will never happen again if I can help it, but knowing me… and knowing life… it will.

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8.19.14 - Cayulihforneeyuh

It’s been a couple of days since I’ve been here in California and so far it’s been pretty good. I actually completely forgot that my dog existed for a split moment, and was super surprised to see her once we arrived on Sunday night. I guess that comes to show how scatter brained I felt, haha… I can tell that she’s put on some weight… her messy fur probably adds to her mini-bear-like appearance too. I missed her so much :3

The house - err… condo, is really nice! Paul’s a big collector of unique knickknacks from around the world… there are a lot of paintings, movie posters, and autographed photos with famous celebrities hanging everywhere on the walls. There are also a bunch of Buddhist and Hindu statues everywhere. All the bedrooms are on the first floor, and up the stairs is an open balcony room where his work desk is. The view from up there is really nice… you have full view of the rest of the home and there are big windows on all sides, letting a lot of natural lighting in.

To this day, I still don’t really know what city I’m in. My mom keeps on giving me the general area, saying “Beverly Hills, but not really”… kinda like how we Michiganders say we’re from “Detroit, but not really” to make it easier for non-Michiganders to picture. But, we are about a 5 minute drive away from Hollywood boulevard, so I guess it works for me. We walked around a bit and did touristy things. I wanted to go to Madame Toussaint’s wax museum but it was a whopping $30 per person… so we passed @_@; they had a Johnny Depp and Robin Williams model outside for the public to see so I guess I got to see a little bit. It’s crazy how lifelike they are… down to the texture of the skin, the pores, and everything. Afterwards, we went to Korea town and ate some gooood food. Tangsuyuk and Jajangmyun actually taste really good together!

Today, we’re heading to Santa Monica Beach and then tomorrow is the wedding. I originally thought it was just going to be my mom, Paul, and both their kids, but I just learned that he has a hugeee family and that there are gonna be a lot of people coming. It’s kinda crazy, I always wanted a big family with a lot of aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews, but I never thought I’d have one. And soon… I will??? I wonder how close we’ll be though. O.O

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8.16.15 - Thoughts // My Personal God

In about 24 hours, I’ll be flying out to California for my mom’s wedding/a mini family vacation… My mind is kind of a mess since I can’t stop thinking about everything I have to do as soon as I get back. I’ll be arriving back in Michigan at midnight next Monday, and then in a few hours, I’ll have to drive all the way back to East Lansing to work the morning and then move into my new dorm. And then before I know it, classes will begin and I’ll “officially” start my Senior year of college.

But right now, I’m sitting here in the Panera right by my old house. I’m here for the night just so I can get to the airport a little easier. I’m thankful for having great friends who have offered to house me, help me get to the airport, and even help me move in once I get back. I think I’m just beginning to realize how I need to leave behind all of the things that I felt like were being taken away from me, and look towards what God is gifting me with in this very moment.

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Just a couple of weeks ago, I felt completely lost in all of all the changes I was experiencing. I’m still in the process of surrendering everything at the feet of my sovereign God, and I’m still learning to trust Him with all that’s within me. A part of me still wrestles with a fear that maybe He’s beginning to get frustrated with me because of my doubts and delays in turning to Him… but I’m beginning to see that that’s a delusion that my own doubts have created. As I look to His word, the message of His relentless pursuit of His beloved continues to hammer down, piercing my heart deeper and deeper with every strike… This has always been the case since the very beginning, and has carried on from generation to generation.

I’m no exception to all of His sheep who have strayed away… but there’s a beauty in knowing that my Father doesn’t just see me- or any of us- as just one of the many faces in the masses - but that He knows me inside and out, and that He is my personal God. And that He formed me before time began, and fashioned together a unique journey He would lead me through by the power of His Spirit and in accordance to His time…

I really don’t know in what ways this upcoming week will change my life, but I feel Him changing my heart, and reassuring me in gentleness that no matter what happens, He will always continue to take me higher and take me deeper with Him..

Prayer Request: Persistence in keeping faithful to Him

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8.15.14 - It Is Well

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul!

So much truth in trusting in the Lord. This is by far my favorite song at Riverview :)

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8.10.14 - Rejoicing

In the end, the Truth will always have His way…
With regret, I admit that over time, I let Fear consume and overtake my faith. I felt controlled by it - chained and forced to be its puppet. But even so, the Lord planted in me from the very beginning a desire to live by His truth, and for there to be no other way to do so but through Him. I was afraid to trust in the Truth, but He still prevailed despite my unbelief.

Can I truly proclaim with every ounce of my being, and every fiber of my existence, that I trust in Him, and that I know with no doubt that He can use my filth, shame, and fear to be glorified? That none of my sufferings or mistakes I made were in vain?

I want to be able to. And although I still feel very feeble, I know with full assurance that my hope in Him has reawakened, and I that He is sanctifying me even as I write this…

Happy Sunday, everybody.

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8.10.14 - Revelations 3: 19-20

Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come on and eat with him, and he with me.

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8.6.14

Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus…